Do you ever make the mistake of attributing your feelings to someone else's words or behavior? Just to be really clear, your feelings exist inside of you. They are not transferred to you by another person. I do not mean to suggest that others have no effect on us. We are naturally social creatures and […]
In Romans Chapter 1, Paul rails, ”against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men," including "covenant breakers" (Romans 1:18, 31). One of the most common complaints I have heard by Latter-day Saint mid-singles is, "My ex broke his (or her) covenants." During much of my mid-single life, I used expressions much like that to justify my […]
In our Facebook group, I have frequently written about the importance of authenticity and vulnerability to create trust--even trust in yourself. If you can be vulnerable and open about yourself, then when someone chooses to love you, you can believe that they love the real you and not the mask you are wearing. It helps […]
Early in my first marriage, I remember having a conversation with my wife about sex. I told her I thought it was the deepest expression of love. She didn't see it that way. I asked her how she saw it and she told me, "It's just something fun we do together." Who was right? We […]
I am different because my former spouse "went off the deep end," "had an affair," or "laid around in his underwear all day looking at porn instead of working." "I picked a better person this time, so things will be fine." How many times have we heard this kind of thinking in the mid-single community? […]
For more than a year, I have been trying to find the right word to describe the mental state where a person is centered, at peace, and not disrupted. I was at an event with a mental health counselor and asked him the question and he said, "the word is homeostasis." Not bad, but not […]
It's almost autumn, and the world is changing. The kids have gone back to school. Summer vacations and adventures are over. The air is starting to cool. Halloween and Thanksgiving are around the corner. This used to be my favorite time of year. These days, I really prefer Summer and the adventures it permits. But […]
Many of us went through marriages where there was a lot of conflict--whether outwardly expressed or subtle hostility lurking below the surface. Conflict can be very traumatic, and that part of our histories makes many reluctant to date or move toward new relationships. So, why does it happen? How does a relationship that starts out […]
When I first met my step-kids' dad, I asked him his parenting philosophy and he said, "expectations." I think many if not most parents would say the same. That was also the answer my dad gave to the same question. (By the way, I consider both of these men pretty good fathers in many ways.) […]
