February 14, 2024
LILY Letter 149: Love and Agency

As Valentine's Day has come once again, did you feel like you had a meaningful opportunity to celebrate a great relationship? Or did you think about one more year of singleness with a twinge of bitter longing? Did you perhaps, even let the holiday pass almost without notice and just try to avoid the whole […]

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February 14, 2023
LILY Letter 97: Happy Valentine's!

In the movie "Mr. Wrong," the main character, played by Ellen DeGeneres calls Valentine's Day "the lamest day on a single girl's calendar." For many, it is a solemn reminder of what they don't have. It is sometimes an excuse for well-meaning parents to pressure their single adult children to hurry up and get married. […]

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January 23, 2023
A THIRD FIRST KISS?

1-23-23 was the fifth anniversary of my third first kiss with the woman who, four months later, became my wife. You might be asking how a kiss could be a “first kiss” if it was “third.” If you’ve read my book, Intentional Courtship, you know that my relationship with Cathy had its ups and downs over […]

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April 18, 2022
YOU ONLY HAVE ONE SPOUSE

I am a devoted listener of my friend, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife. I think anyone interested in a better marital relationship or personal development could benefit from her perspective. The issues she discusses are highly sensitive and, therefore, highly impactful. She often discusses the dynamic between a low desire partner and a high desire partner as […]

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February 8, 2022
LILY Letter 44: Romance or Independence?

Valentine’s Day is nearly upon us and, for many, it brings more pressure and fear than joy. Pressure to meet the expectations of another can take the joy out of almost any celebration. Singles who don’t yet have a special person to celebrate with can feel this void more acutely as this holiday approaches. Many […]

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January 29, 2022
CELEBRATING OUR THIRD FIRST KISS

Cathy and I broke up twice during our dating relationship. The first time was only for a few weeks. But after we started seeing each other again, it took a little time to share our second first kiss. The second time we broke up lasted over a year; when I wrote Cathy a letter asking […]

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January 4, 2022
LILY Letter 39: The Act of Creation

Happy New Years! Welcome to the first week of 2022. Anyone feeling a fresh new start? Or perhaps overwhelmed by the unknown future? Regardless of what the future may hold, what has happened in the past or what we may be feeling now, we can each be intentional this year about what we create in […]

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December 7, 2021
LILY Letter 35: Divorce and the Holidays

The holidays can accentuate the grief of divorce, particularly for the newly divorced. It is often an all too poignant reminder of dreams we have lost. If you are spending Christmas without your children, I hope these words bring you some comfort. On my first Christmas without my kids, well-meaning people wanted to make sure […]

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November 24, 2021
WHAT ARE YOU THANKFUL FOR?

Before and immediately following my divorce, I had a pretty tough time of it for about five years. It was by far the longest period of major depression I've ever experienced. I can't really explain the debilitating effect of that. I had major financial problems and I could hardly bring myself to open my mail. […]

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