February 29, 2024
LILY Letter 151: The Stewardship to Heal What's Hurting

Sometimes people get divorced hoping to escape the pain that is inside of them. You may be one of these people, or perhaps were married to one. The problem with this thinking is that the pain lives inside of you, so you take it with you wherever you go. It isn't somehow transferred from another person […]

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March 21, 2023
LILY Letter 102: Long Distance Relationships

Some ask why they should consider a long distance relationship, when they are typically more difficult and more complicated than a relationship with someone who lives in the same town. There are several reasons: 1. You may be in a remote location church-wise. If you really believe in the blessings of eternal marriage and take […]

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January 23, 2023
A THIRD FIRST KISS?

1-23-23 was the fifth anniversary of my third first kiss with the woman who, four months later, became my wife. You might be asking how a kiss could be a “first kiss” if it was “third.” If you’ve read my book, Intentional Courtship, you know that my relationship with Cathy had its ups and downs over […]

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January 16, 2023
EXPECTATIONS AND RELATIONSHIPS

I recently met a single dad who, when asked his parenting philosophy said, “expectations.” I think many, if not most parents would say the same. We have expectations of all kinds in life. I work at my job, and I expect to be paid and paid on time. I sacrifice food I might like to […]

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January 10, 2023
LILY Letter 92: Essential Healing for Successful Dating

Many people say time heals all wounds. We say bunk! Passively waiting for a period of time without any concentration on growth isn't going to heal you at all. Jeff has a friend who was divorced two years prior to Jeff's divorce. He has been single for approximately 12 years and is still telling his […]

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August 23, 2022
LILY Letter 72: The Courage to Love Again

One of the most common refrains we hear from mid-singles is “I hate dating.” In the vast majority of situations, the individual doesn’t actually “hate dating.” He or she hates rejection. He or she hates being judged. Rejection in dating often feels deeply personal, and it requires a lot of emotional maturity to cope with […]

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August 2, 2022
LILY Letter 69: From Trauma to Truth

We started ministering to mid-singles because they were underserved. Mid-singles are unique. Their needs are fundamentally different from those of most married and settled people. One of the biggest ways mid-singles are different comes down to trauma. Mid-singles and and even former mid-singles who have remarried have almost all experienced major losses, disappointments, and pain […]

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June 21, 2022
LILY Letter 63: Free to Explore vs. Loyal Commitment

We were often dismayed during our mid-single years when we heard criticism of people as a "player” or “serial dater." These terms were often applied to dating partners who were not ready to be exclusive after only a few dates or even a single encounter. We heard many singles say "I only date one person […]

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June 7, 2022
LILY Letter 61: Maturing Past Need-Based Relationships

None of us has the choice to stop breathing or stop eating food. Sooner or later, stopping those activities would kill us. Both of those things are needs. If you need something, you cannot choose it because there is no other reasonable choice. In relationships, many of us want to be needed so our partners […]

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