June 7, 2022
LILY Letter 61: Maturing Past Need-Based Relationships

None of us has the choice to stop breathing or stop eating food. Sooner or later, stopping those activities would kill us. Both of those things are needs. If you need something, you cannot choose it because there is no other reasonable choice. In relationships, many of us want to be needed so our partners […]

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March 22, 2022
LILY Letter 50: Beyond Codependance

What’s on the other side of codependence? A life more beautiful than you could possibly imagine if you are stuck in this addictive pattern. It is far superior to want a partner than it is to need a partner. Codependence is excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, often one who requires support on account of an illness […]

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March 11, 2022
GOD GIVE US MEN

What follows is a poem by Josiah Gilbert Holland expressing a view of honorable manhood from a bygone age. We live in a time where men are afraid to be men, and where their place in the world is often dishonored. While the loudest voices are telling us that we are no longer needed, many […]

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February 22, 2022
LILY Letter 46: Powerful Women

What does it mean to be a powerful woman? Does it mean to have good fame and fortune? Does it mean to do everything for everyone with no thought of ourselves? Does it mean to do what it takes to look good in the eyes of others? Does it mean being attached to a powerful […]

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February 8, 2022
LILY Letter 44: Romance or Independence?

Valentine’s Day is nearly upon us and, for many, it brings more pressure and fear than joy. Pressure to meet the expectations of another can take the joy out of almost any celebration. Singles who don’t yet have a special person to celebrate with can feel this void more acutely as this holiday approaches. Many […]

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September 21, 2021
WHY DOES CONFLICT HAPPEN?

Many of us went through marriages where there was a lot of conflict--whether outwardly expressed or subtle hostility lurking below the surface. Conflict can be very traumatic, and that part of our histories makes many reluctant to date or move toward new relationships. So, why does it happen? How does a relationship that starts out […]

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August 8, 2021
ABOUT CONTROL AND TRUST

I wrote this re-shared post (below) 9 years ago when I was struggling to recover from a divorce from my kids' mom. I encountered a lot of singles during my mid-single years who tended to be controlling in relationships and, alternatively, to keep relationships distant to avoid being controlled. At the end of the day, […]

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