January 11, 2024
LILY Letter 144: How to Talk to Dating Partners About Your Past

Since the audience for this letter is primarily Latter-day Saint single adults, it is almost inevitable that some of you did things you are not proud of that contributed to a divorce. Such misdeeds could include an affair (either sexual or emotional or both), serious dishonesty with a former spouse, substance abuse issues, or the […]

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May 31, 2022
LILY Letter 60: The Right Kind of Confidence

Many women told me during my mid-single years that confidence in a man was sexy. I believe there is a survival function in female attraction to a confident man. A bold and confident man is a good protector and is more likely to discourage potential attackers and predators. The problem with this wisdom is that, […]

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April 19, 2022
LILY Letter 54: Is Divorce Part of Your Path?

In our religion, we value marriage highly—more than anything except the atonement of Jesus Christ. We believe marriage is central to God’s plan of happiness. Accordingly, when a marriage fails, we often think we have failed at life. If we are divorced, we may think something has gone horribly wrong, that God’s plan for us […]

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October 26, 2021
ARE YOU LOOKING FOR MR. OR MRS. OPPOSITE?

As many of you know, Cathy and I both had brief second marriages following lengthy first marriages. In one case, the prior marriage was to someone who stonewalled (simply shut down and refused to talk about anything difficult or stressful). This is one of the Gottman's "Four Horsemen of the Marriage Apocalypse." After that kind […]

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October 4, 2021
ABOUT HONESTY

In our Facebook group, I have frequently written about the importance of authenticity and vulnerability to create trust--even trust in yourself. If you can be vulnerable and open about yourself, then when someone chooses to love you, you can believe that they love the real you and not the mask you are wearing. It helps […]

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