We want start this week's LILY Letter with an observation we have made in ourselves and in our coaching clients. For most, it is easy to see when a child is throwing a fit and causing him or herself more pain. It can also be obvious to see when a friend or family member who, […]
One thing we learn in meditation is how to separate ourselves from our thoughts and emotions. That includes being able to see our feelings like weather and watch them drift by like dark storm clouds. This is a helpful technique for mastering our emotions instead of being mastered by them. It also helps us release […]
One of the most often repeated phrases people said to me as I was going through my divorce from my kids' mom was, "Some day she'll be sorry." Another one that I often got was, "The best revenge is living a happy life after your divorce." Is that really so? I have often heard people […]
Welcome to 2023! What are your plans? People often create New Year's resolutions this time of year, perhaps adopting a word to guide them in the coming year and striving to turn over a new leaf in some area of their life. It tends to be a fresh start, full of endless possibilities and desired […]
A few days ago, I made a post about how it is important not to censor or shame our partners in public. Today, I came across this post in "The UnWed Community" (link below) where the author wrote about seeing a conversation in a supermarket over milk where the wife said to her husband, "no, […]
You know the cringe-worthy old married people who openly bicker about each other in front of other people? Perhaps one of them is telling a story "for the millionth time” or the other remembers it differently and jumps in to correct the details. The first one takes offense and says something snarky. Meanwhile, everyone else […]
As many of you know, Cathy and I both had brief second marriages following lengthy first marriages. In one case, the prior marriage was to someone who stonewalled (simply shut down and refused to talk about anything difficult or stressful). This is one of the Gottman's "Four Horsemen of the Marriage Apocalypse." After that kind […]
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7). Fear does not come from the spirit but from trauma and pain. The adversary works on our triggers and feelings of insecurity to prevent us from progressing in love and relationships. […]
Two weeks ago, on Saturday 10/9/21, I (Cathy) was in a car crash. We were SO grateful to be attending church together the very next day (as indicated in the featured photograph)! There is an "illusion of control" in driving and in dating, especially if you've never been in an accident or experienced a serious […]
