Have you ever thought about the word "agency"? Would you be surprised to know that it does not appear anywhere in the Bible? King James ascended to the throne of England in 1603 and the King James version of the Bible was published in 1611. The word agency did not appear in the English language […]

We write this week's edition of the LILY Letter with some caution and we advise our readers to strike a balance with what we suggest. We are big fans of intentionally healing from relationship loss before dating and developing new relationships. Many people start dating before finding a basic sense of stability as a single […]

None of us has the choice to stop breathing or stop eating food. Sooner or later, stopping those activities would kill us. Both of those things are needs. If you need something, you cannot choose it because there is no other reasonable choice. In relationships, many of us want to be needed so our partners […]

What’s on the other side of codependence? A life more beautiful than you could possibly imagine if you are stuck in this addictive pattern. It is far superior to want a partner than it is to need a partner. Codependence is excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, often one who requires support on account of an illness […]

You want a peaceful co-parenting relationship right? In some cases, I hear divorcees say "I can't have a peaceful relationship with my former because [he or she] is an abusive narcissist." And it's quite true. There are some people who are so bitter and self-involved that they can't play nicely with others, no matter how […]

I recently saw an episode of Seinfeld where Elaine decides to befriend George's fiancée, Susan. Kramer warned Jerry that their circle of mid-single friends was "George's sanctuary," and that inviting Susan into that space would cause worlds to collide and blow everything up. Kramer's words proved prescient when George found out. He says there are […]