February 14, 2024
LILY Letter 149: Love and Agency

As Valentine's Day has come once again, did you feel like you had a meaningful opportunity to celebrate a great relationship? Or did you think about one more year of singleness with a twinge of bitter longing? Did you perhaps, even let the holiday pass almost without notice and just try to avoid the whole […]

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February 8, 2024
LILY Letter 148: Was My Failed Marriage a Waste of Time?

I met my eternal companion when I was 48 years old and married her when I was 50--as in five decades! Or a half century! How do you suppose I feel about that? At age 56, I am healthier, wealthier, wiser, and more spiritual than I was 30 years ago at age 26 when I married […]

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February 1, 2024
LILY Letter 147: Communicating Without Contention

We recently had a disagreement where one of us suggested having a deeper conversation about the topic to figure out how we could both have what we wanted. The other said, "How is that possible? How could we both have what we want?" Demanding the solution at the beginning of a discussion suggests that we […]

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January 18, 2024
LILY Letter 145: Your Best Chance to Beat the Odds

"I am divorced because my former spouse 'went off the deep end,' 'had an affair,' or 'laid around in his underwear all day looking at porn instead of working.'" Or how about "I picked a better person this time, so things will be fine." How many times have we heard this kind of thinking in the mid-single […]

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December 28, 2023
LILY Letter 142: Working with Reality & Making Compromises

Years ago, Jeff was working with a builder to construct a home. As they went through estimates of costs, the time it was going to take to complete, and what the finished product might look like, the builder told Jeff that, in construction, there are three priorities to consider: good, fast, cheap. He said, "Most […]

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October 31, 2023
LILY Letter 134: Overcoming the FEAR of Intimacy

This week we have a special holiday treat for you! Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife joins us for a very special Halloween themed interview on "Overcoming the FEAR of Intimacy." She is a relationship and sexuality coach with a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology who teaches LDS couples and individuals how to strengthen their relationships, overcome relational and […]

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October 26, 2023
LILY Letter 133: The Recipe for Remarriage

Remarriage is typically preceded by a process of relationship loss recovery, reentering the dating world, choosing to commit to a new person and ultimately create a new family and a new life. So what's the recipe? If you have consumed much of the material we produce at LILY, you know we aren't huge fans of […]

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September 27, 2023
LILY Letter 129: When "D" is Good For You (& When It's Not)

In this week's video, we discuss the use of the "D" word in marriage--the "D" word being "divorce." It is NOT good to include this word in marital vocabulary if what you really want is an atmosphere of safety, security and loving connection. It is important to make very clear commitments with yourself about not […]

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September 12, 2023
LILY Letter 127: Running Toward Your Goals

How often have you heard variations of the following statements? "No woman will give me a chance." "There are no real men who will step up in relationships." "There are way more suitable single women then men, so there aren't enough good men to go around." "Women only want a man with good looks and […]

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