February 14, 2024
LILY Letter 149: Love and Agency

As Valentine's Day has come once again, did you feel like you had a meaningful opportunity to celebrate a great relationship? Or did you think about one more year of singleness with a twinge of bitter longing? Did you perhaps, even let the holiday pass almost without notice and just try to avoid the whole […]

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February 1, 2024
LILY Letter 147: Communicating Without Contention

We recently had a disagreement where one of us suggested having a deeper conversation about the topic to figure out how we could both have what we wanted. The other said, "How is that possible? How could we both have what we want?" Demanding the solution at the beginning of a discussion suggests that we […]

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January 18, 2024
LILY Letter 145: Your Best Chance to Beat the Odds

"I am divorced because my former spouse 'went off the deep end,' 'had an affair,' or 'laid around in his underwear all day looking at porn instead of working.'" Or how about "I picked a better person this time, so things will be fine." How many times have we heard this kind of thinking in the mid-single […]

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January 4, 2024
LILY Letter 143: A Word for the New Year?

Every January, social media is full of posts where people announce their choice for a word as their theme for the year. For the past 7-8 years (since before we married), we've been choosing a word for ourselves. In 2023, Jeff chose "Strength" and Cathy chose "Comfort." We'd like to share a bit about our […]

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December 19, 2023
LILY Letter 141: Wrapping Up the New Testament

Early on in our courtship, Jeff referred to us as "New Testament" Mormons (before President Nelson asked that we become more deliberate about using the official name of the church). Cathy had never come up with that name for her approach to membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but it seemed […]

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December 7, 2023
LILY Letter 139: Recovering From Grief & Completing Relationships

According to The Grief Recovery Handbook, grief is defined as: 1. a normal, natural reaction to any loss. 2. conflicting feelings when something familiar changes or ends. While studying this evidence-based method, proven to lessen the pain of any loss, we learn that grief is much broader than previously supposed. Even positive life changes -- […]

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November 22, 2023
LILY Letter 137: Happy Thanksgiving! The Benefits of Gratitude

Following our divorces, we had a rough time and experienced many subsequent losses (financial, health, other relationships, etc.). On top of those accumulated losses, we each struggled with depression for many years. Oddly enough, losing everything we felt mattered taught us that gratitude is the most important key to happiness. We learned how to start […]

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November 16, 2023
LILY Letter 136: Would You Rather Be Right or Happy?

Did you know that each of us has a primitive brain that would rather be right than happy? Enjoy this week's new video on "The Primitive Brain" -- a short but fascinating discussion about how to work with your primitive monkey brain. In this week's podcast, "Would You Rather Be Right or Happy?" we dive […]

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November 9, 2023
LILY Letter 135: Thanking God in Advance

As we enter the month of Thanksgiving and giving thanks, we felt inspired to share something we have learned that strengthens faith and increases our capacity for gratitude at the same time. We invite you to practice the art of "Thanking God in Advance." If you've never heard of such a thing or tried it […]

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