February 22, 2024
LILY Letter 150: Growth in Hardship and Success

In this week's video, we discuss why God allows us to suffer pain. It's a natural human tendency when we are in a lot of pain to wonder why God would allow it if He loves us and wants us to have joy. In our faith, we are taught the plan of happiness - that […]

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February 14, 2024
LILY Letter 149: Love and Agency

As Valentine's Day has come once again, did you feel like you had a meaningful opportunity to celebrate a great relationship? Or did you think about one more year of singleness with a twinge of bitter longing? Did you perhaps, even let the holiday pass almost without notice and just try to avoid the whole […]

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February 8, 2024
LILY Letter 148: Was My Failed Marriage a Waste of Time?

I met my eternal companion when I was 48 years old and married her when I was 50--as in five decades! Or a half century! How do you suppose I feel about that? At age 56, I am healthier, wealthier, wiser, and more spiritual than I was 30 years ago at age 26 when I married […]

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February 1, 2024
LILY Letter 147: Communicating Without Contention

We recently had a disagreement where one of us suggested having a deeper conversation about the topic to figure out how we could both have what we wanted. The other said, "How is that possible? How could we both have what we want?" Demanding the solution at the beginning of a discussion suggests that we […]

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January 26, 2024
LILY Letter 146: Getting Clear About Relationship Status

January 23rd was the sixth anniversary of our third first kiss. Less than four months later, we were sealed for time and all eternity in the Provo City Center Temple on 5/11/2018. You might be asking how a kiss could be a “first kiss” if it was “third.” If you’ve read our book, Intentional Courtship, you […]

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January 18, 2024
LILY Letter 145: Your Best Chance to Beat the Odds

"I am divorced because my former spouse 'went off the deep end,' 'had an affair,' or 'laid around in his underwear all day looking at porn instead of working.'" Or how about "I picked a better person this time, so things will be fine." How many times have we heard this kind of thinking in the mid-single […]

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January 11, 2024
LILY Letter 144: How to Talk to Dating Partners About Your Past

Since the audience for this letter is primarily Latter-day Saint single adults, it is almost inevitable that some of you did things you are not proud of that contributed to a divorce. Such misdeeds could include an affair (either sexual or emotional or both), serious dishonesty with a former spouse, substance abuse issues, or the […]

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January 4, 2024
LILY Letter 143: A Word for the New Year?

Every January, social media is full of posts where people announce their choice for a word as their theme for the year. For the past 7-8 years (since before we married), we've been choosing a word for ourselves. In 2023, Jeff chose "Strength" and Cathy chose "Comfort." We'd like to share a bit about our […]

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December 28, 2023
LILY Letter 142: Working with Reality & Making Compromises

Years ago, Jeff was working with a builder to construct a home. As they went through estimates of costs, the time it was going to take to complete, and what the finished product might look like, the builder told Jeff that, in construction, there are three priorities to consider: good, fast, cheap. He said, "Most […]

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