Following our satirical letter last week on how to ruin your next marriage, we now offer twenty heartfelt suggestions for divorce survivors who wish to remarry and build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship. Reflect deeply on these ideas and be intentional in your approach to a new marriage.
1. Communicate Respectfully: Take turns talking and listen fully without cutting each other off. Avoid jumping to conclusions.
2. Disagree Respectfully: Use calm, respectful language without sarcasm or insults, and avoid raising your voice.
3. Show Sacrifice: Demonstrate love through actions that contribute to your partner’s happiness, even when inconvenient.
4. Manage Finances Together: Discuss and agree on financial responsibilities and avoid making discretionary purchases from the same account.
5. Speak Kindly in Public: Always speak respectfully about your spouse in front of others and address issues privately.
6. Accept 'No': Be clear about your wants and be willing to accept a "no" without resorting to brow-beating or shaming.
7. Be a Safe Confidant: Offer comfort and a listening ear without letting your fears take over during your spouse's difficult times.
8. Avoid Keeping Score: Focus on the positive contributions your spouse makes to your life and relationship.
9. Manage Expectations: See your spouse’s actions as gifts, not entitlements, and remember they don’t owe you anything.
10. Practice Forgiveness: Let go of offenses and move on quickly, giving your spouse grace.
11. Defend Your Spouse: Always stand up for your spouse against criticism, showing unwavering loyalty.
12. Don’t Nit-Pick: Avoid blaming or finding fault, and don't make compliance a test of love.
13. Acknowledge Goodness: Frequently remind your spouse of the ways they bless your life.
14. Express Love Often: Reassure your spouse with frequent affirmations of love.
15. Allow Financial Freedom: Provide each other with some discretionary money to spend freely, enhancing a sense of autonomy.
16. Notice Attractiveness: Remind yourself of the physical attributes that initially drew you to your spouse.
17. Go on Dates: Regularly date each other, focusing on dreaming together rather than just managing daily logistics.
18. Solve Problems Together: Focus on solutions rather than assigning blame when problems arise.
19. Avoid Comparisons: Don’t compare your financial situation to others; follow your unique path.
20. Focus on Positives: Ignore minor irritations and focus on your spouse’s nobility and goodness.
Best wishes as you seek a wonderful, albeit imperfect, eternal companion. Practice these skills in dating and let them become second nature in your new marriage!
Schedule a FREE Coaching Consult to challenge thoughts hindering your relationship enjoyment.
Stay intentional and positive as you embark on this new journey to build a successful and happy marriage.
110. Divorce Proofing Marriage
123. Healthy Remarriage
129. Beyond Relationship Failure: Learning From Success
If you really want to succeed in your next marriage, let us guide you through the steps to find peace in your life and be able to attract your future partner from a healthy place. Click on "Life Design After Divorce" to learn more.
To heal from relationship loss and create more love in your life in 2025, read Intentional Courtship (available on Amazon).
LILY Coaching is available to support you personally. Simply schedule a FREE Consult with Jeff or Cathy. We will provide you with a roadmap to your desired destination!
If you enjoy this letter, forward to a friend. Our goal is to support as many single adults and later-married couples as possible so please share this letter with those you love!
