LILY Letter 151: The Stewardship to Heal What's Hurting

February 29, 2024

Sometimes people get divorced hoping to escape the pain that is inside of them. You may be one of these people, or perhaps were married to one. The problem with this thinking is that the pain lives inside of you, so you take it with you wherever you go. It isn't somehow transferred from another person or place. Some people will move far away from a bad situation only to find that "Wherever you go, there you are"--you can't escape yourself.

We are not suggesting that there is never a good reason to get divorced or to leave an unhealthy situation. If there is genuine abuse occurring, and your best efforts at working on your part of the relationship and setting boundaries have not improved things, some relationships must end. We are simply suggesting that the best way to address the pain inside yourself is to look inside and treat the pain where it lives. This is true even if you are no longer in the relationship. The residual pain can still create trouble in new relationships or cause you to relive the trauma of a former relationship in a seemingly endless loop, like a song played on repeat.

There is a HUGE temptation when we've been hurt deeply by the agency of another person to put off the stewardship we inevitably have to seek healing for ourselves. We are understandably angry and see it as an unjust reality of life to have to do the hard work of healing when it's not our fault and it wasn't our choice to be hurt. Nevertheless, if we don't, who will? Even if the person who harmed us is sorrowful, that alone won't heal the hurt in us. And if the person could care less and is still behaving in a hurtful way, that alone won't prevent us from finding inner peace either. We really do have a stewardship, for our own sakes and for the sake of our loved ones, to do the work necessary to find healing and peace.

Enjoy this week's FREE podcast and video where we dive even deeper into finding healing for what's hurting inside.


Jeff & Cathy discuss what most couples fight about (according to research by the Gottman's), and what we can effectively do about it. Listen for ideas you can apply to reduce frustration and increase joy in your own relational interactions.

Listen to What Most Couples Fight About


Jeff & Cathy discuss why it can be so difficult to forgive and find peace when someone who was supposed to love us has wronged us. In this video we focus on the responsibility each of us have to heal what is hurting inside. Watch for motivation and tools to do the healing work your heart will thank you for.

Watch Will I Ever Heal From Abuse?


LILY Coaching is available to support you in your healing journey. Visit to schedule a FREE Consult with Jeff or Cathy. We will provide you with a roadmap to your desired destination!

To heal from relationship loss and create more love in your life in 2024, read Intentional Courtship (available on Amazon).

If you enjoy this letter, forward to a friend. Our goal is to support as many single adults and later-married couples as possible so please share this letter with those you love!

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