LILY Letter 134: Overcoming the FEAR of Intimacy

October 31, 2023

This week we have a special holiday treat for you! Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife joins us for a very special Halloween themed interview on "Overcoming the FEAR of Intimacy." She is a relationship and sexuality coach with a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology who teaches LDS couples and individuals how to strengthen their relationships, overcome relational and sexual roadblocks, and increase their capacity for intimacy, love, and sexual expression.

We invite you to enjoy Dr. Finlayson-Fife's experienced wisdom as we ask her a number of important questions for singles and later-married couples. Below are just a few of the highlights -- a brief snapshot of a conversation you won't want to miss!

How can singles who want to keep the Law of Chastity overcome fear they might disappoint God?

Dr. Finlayson-Fife talks about how we need to understand and believe in our own theology and not adopt the erroneous teachings of other religions that see the human body and its sexual capacity as an impediment to spirituality.

How can a dating couple make themselves vulnerable and knowable while keeping back part of themselves in order to keep the law of chastity?

Dr. Finlayson-Fife shares that while we do keep back a part of ourselves physically as we keep the law of chastity in dating, we can fully explore emotional intimacy and evaluate how free and open our partners are willing to be in the emotional realm -- which directly correlates to their openness in the sexual realm. We can also understand ourselves in the same way.

When is the appropriate time to discuss sex in dating relationships?

Dr. Finlayson-Fife discusses the importance of balance. It is healthy to be able to discuss sex during dating relationships. It is not healthy if sex is the first and only topic that comes up when two people initially meet. It is important that our dating partners understand that we are interested in other aspects of their personality and life plans. While it is best not to resist the idea of discussing sex while dating, it is also important to intentionally balance it with getting to know our partners' emotional, spiritual, and intellectual character as well.

For individuals who remarry that may have dealt with difficult issues related to sex in past marriage(s), what do you recommend for them to overcome their fear and be truly intimate and knowable with their new companion?

Dr. Finlayson-Fife encourages us to have courage and to develop the inner strength and self validation necessary to be vulnerable and build a connected relationship.

For those who may fear another divorce, how would you recommend they go about co-creating a new marriage that will stand the test of time?

Dr. Finlayson-Fife shares that being knowable and vulnerable are the keys to creating deep connection.

For those who do the work to overcome their fear of intimacy, what do they have to look forward to in their personal lives and potentially in a connected, collaborative, intimate marriage? 

Dr. Finlayson-Fife discusses how joyful it can be when you are mentally whole and healthy standing on your own, but you are joined in a deep and intimate friendship with one person for a lifetime.

There is SO much depth and wisdom shared in this episode which we are so pleased to share with you during this Halloween week. May we all make progress with overcoming fear that prevents intimacy and connection so we can truly be knowable with our current or future companion in a connected, collaborative marriage.


In this Halloween special, Jeff & Cathy interview Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife about Overcoming the FEAR of Intimacy - which is her specialty! Learn what intimacy really is and how to know if you fear it.

For INDIVIDUALS - she shares her views on sexuality being paired with sin to scare adolescents into waiting until marriage, what our theology really teaches about our bodies, how to be knowable while living the law of chastity, and when in the dating process to talk about sex. FOR COUPLES - she offers suggestions for dealing with fear that can come from former marital problems, how to co-create a new marriage that will stand the test of time, and what you can look forward to if you do the personal required to achieve true intimacy.

LILY Pod: Overcoming the FEAR of Intimacy with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife (LISTEN OPTION)

LILY Tube: Overcoming the FEAR of Intimacy with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife (WATCH OPTION)

LILY Coaching is available to support you personally. Simply visit to schedule a FREE Consult with Jeff or Cathy. We will provide you with a roadmap to your desired destination!

To heal from relationship loss and create more love in your life, read Intentional Courtship (available on Amazon).

If you enjoy this letter, forward to a friend. Our goal is to support as many single adults and later-married couples as possible so please share this letter with those you love!

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