LILY Letter 129: When "D" is Good For You (& When It's Not)

September 27, 2023

In this week's video, we discuss the use of the "D" word in marriage--the "D" word being "divorce." It is NOT good to include this word in marital vocabulary if what you really want is an atmosphere of safety, security and loving connection. It is important to make very clear commitments with yourself about not using that word in marriage, especially when emotions are running high.

The word "divorce" should only be invoked when you are CALM and actually ready to pursue divorce if things don't change (having worked through that decision with a trusted counselor). It should never be used as an emotional outburst (that really is a bluff) because: (1) it damages relationship, and (2) if you aren't willing to do it, you lose all credibility with your spouse. So don't threaten the nuclear option unless you are ready to carry through with it. If you are in the position to be making that decision (and we sincerely hope you are not), listen to The Divorce Decision for direction and guidance.

We have also heard "D" used as a scarlet letter to put shame on "divorced" Latter-day Saints. Shaming labels are not good for us either. If divorce has been part of your earthly journey, accept is as part of your life path and give yourself some grace and compassion.

We now want to offer you another "D" to use when you feel like you are suffering because of the other two applications of "D" that are not good for us. Vitamin D3 has so many benefits, including:

Strengthens the immune system

Helps to prevent cancer

Improves brain function

Elevates your mood

Relieves rheumatoid arthritis

Aids weight loss

Reduces the risk of heart disease

You may know that the greatest natural source of vitamin D is sunlight. For people in our time who are indoors most of the day, it is usually necessary to take a vitamin D3 supplement to replace the sunlight we are not getting naturally. Because vitamin D elevates the mood, we not only need spiritual vitamin D, we also believe it is important to actually take the supplement year around (at least 5,000iu daily for everyone who doesn't live near the equator). To avoid winter depression, start at least 6 weeks prior to cold weather (the sooner the better!).

Spiritual vitamin D is sunlight for the soul. It involves gratitude, rejoicing, love of others, feasting on the word of Christ, and every other elevating and hopeful spiritual practice. If you want spiritual vitamin D, think of the words of this happy hymn:

There is sunshine in my soul today, More glorious and bright

Than glows in any earthly sky, For Jesus is my light.

Oh, there’s sunshine, blessed sunshine When the peaceful happy moments roll.

When Jesus shows his smiling face, There is sunshine in the soul.

There is music in my soul today, A carol to my King,

And Jesus listening can hear The songs I cannot sing.

There is springtime in my soul today, For when the Lord is near,

The dove of peace sings in my heart, The flow’rs of grace appear.

There is gladness in my soul today, And hope and praise and love,

For blessings which he gives me now, For joys “laid up” above.

Jesus is truly our spiritual vitamin D. He is our source of light. He enhances our overall well-being and lifts our mood to a higher plane.

As our world in the northern hemisphere moves into fall and winter, remember to take your spiritual (& physical) vitamin D. And when skies are dark and the air is cold, you have spring time and sunshine in your soul. Enjoy this week's podcast: Vitamin D for the Soul

We would like to inject some vitamin D into your dating life! Learn about our 6-step approach to Courting with Confidence. We decided to create this 12-week course without a live audience so you can signup at any time and take it at your own pace! Enjoy this fun, encouraging, highly effective course that will help you integrate the steps necessary to make REAL progress in the dating world.


LILY Pod: Vitamin D for the Soul

LILY Tube: Using the "D" Word in Marriage

LILY Short: Mediation Saves Times & Money

LILY Coaching is available to support you individually. Simply visit to schedule a FREE Consult with Jeff or Cathy. We will provide you with a roadmap to your desired destination!

To heal from relationship loss and create more love in your life, read Intentional Courtship (available on Amazon).

If you enjoy this letter, forward to a friend. Our goal is to support as many single adults and later-married couples as possible so please share this letter with those you love!

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