LILY Letter 123: Why Not Date a Widow?

August 15, 2023

This is a particularly sensitive topic for widowed women of our faith. This month's podcast guest reached out to us after listening to LILY Pod episode 34 "Thoughtful Labeling" with sincere concerns about her experience as a widow re-entering the dating world. This wise woman knows the importance of not labeling herself only as a "widow," yet she has found it genuinely difficult to get away from that label in the judgement she has gotten on dating sites from men who don't want to end up with a woman they can't be sealed do. Many have tossed her aside without getting to know her based on that prejudice alone.

Interestingly, when this sister reached out to us, she was reading "Intentional Courtship" and hadn't quite gotten to the part where we addressed this in chapter 4: Difficulties Mid-Singles Face in the Church: "Elder Jeffrey R. Holland addressed the concern of some single sisters that, 'some of the men in the Church are uneasy about dating me or considering marriage because I'm sealed to someone else.' Elder Holland counseled women not to worry about these complicated sealing questions when making decisions about whom to date and marry."

This was his counsel: "I would encourage those [men and women] to marry--and to not worry about the sealing--because we even have a policy in the Church that when everyone is deceased, when everyone is dead, the first husband, the second husband, and the wife in-between, when they are all deceased, she can be sealed to the second husband also. And you say, 'well, who's she going to be with in eternity?' I don't have the slightest idea. But God does. You trust in God's goodness. When there are questions to which we do not know the answer, then you trust in what you do know. And what you do know is that God is good and fair and just and merciful . . . how he works it out, it doesn't matter. It's not your problem. God will figure it out. Look, He has to bring the flowers up every spring. He has to keep the planets in their orbit and the solar system working. If He can do that, He can take care of your family. . . Trust in God and know that these sealing arrangements can all be worked out. . . Don't be afraid."

Why not date a widow? One of our apostles has said there's no real reason not to. It will expand your dating options and most of the widows we've met and known are awesome! They are worth getting to know and they deserve a second chance at love just like the rest of us. Be sensitive and open to the possibility of dating widows. It may change your life.


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If your relationship loss is divorce, let us help you find stability with our "Life Design After Divorce" course (now available on demand!). 

For those who have found stability in their singleness, we are offering "Courting with Confidence" LIVE this Fall (Sept-Dec). Space is limited so if you are interested, sign up ASAP (first come first serve). To learn more, register for the FREE WEBINAR, coming up on Thursday, September 7th at 6:30pm MT by Zoom.


LILY Pod: Dating a Widow with Lori Carr (LISTEN) 

LILY Tube: Dating a Widow with Lori Carr (WATCH) 

LILY Short: How NOT to Have Hard Conversations

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