LILY Letter 122: Stability for Singles After Loss

August 8, 2023

We write this week's edition of the LILY Letter with some caution and we advise our readers to strike a balance with what we suggest.

We are big fans of intentionally healing from relationship loss before dating and developing new relationships. Many people start dating before finding a basic sense of stability as a single person and we believe that is a mistake. Getting comfortable with a basic sense of wholeness on our own is a very important part of the entire process of re-establishing our lives after serious relationship losses.

On the other hand, we see many do the opposite of dating too soon. They stay in "healing mode" (some not being all that intentional about it) and don't bother developing any new relationships for years or even decades. We do NOT recommend that you stay stuck in healing mode indefinitely or that you refrain from dating for years on end. That isn't necessary and it holds you back from the relational side of healing that can only happen through an open heart and vulnerable connection with others. 

After her husband died suddenly and unexpectedly, Lori Carr (this month's podcast guest) knew the importance of finding stability in her singleness before dating (approximately one year). We don't have to be 100% healed to be ready for new relationships. We just want a reasonable sense of stability, and not being desperate for someone to replace what we've lost, before moving into dating and developing new relationships.

With that stability, we put ourselves in a better position to attract good people and explore what is possible in a healthy way and with real wisdom. Getting rid of any tendencies to be codependent (reliance on someone else for our sense of self) is paramount to creating a collaborative, reciprocal, differentiated companionship.

If your relationship loss is divorce, let us help you find stability with "Life Design After Divorce" (now available on demand!). 

For those who have found stability in their singleness, we are offering "Courting with Confidence" LIVE this Fall (Sept-Dec). Space is limited so if you are interested, sign up ASAP (first come first serve). Register for our FREE Courting with Confidence Webinar to learn more about our 6 step approach to dating with confidence and ease.  


LILY Pod: Finding Stability After Loss with Lori Carr (LISTEN) 

LILY Tube: Finding Stability After Loss with Lori Carr (WATCH) 

LILY Short: A Man is Not a Financial Plan

LILY Coaching is available to support you personally. Simply email us at to request a FREE consultation with Jeff or Cathy. We look forward to meeting with you 1:1!

Get a copy of "Intentional Courtship" on Amazon to heal from relationship loss and create more love in your life. Order your book HERE: IntentionalCourtship

If you enjoy this letter, forward to a friend. Our goal is to support as many mid-singles and later-married couples as possible so please share this letter with those you love!

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