LILY Letter 91: Happy New Year!

January 3, 2023

Welcome to 2023! What are your hopes and aspirations? Many people create New Year's resolutions this time of year, perhaps adopting a word to guide them in the coming twelve months and striving to turn over a new leaf in some area of their life. It tends to be a fresh start, full of endless possibilities and desired changes.

When we make these resolutions or goals, we often focus on the external things we want to achieve and behaviors we want to change to get there, while neglecting the inner thought work needed to enable real and lasting change. If we are going to change something permanently, the change must be more than a New Year's Day decision. Lasting change results from radical shifts in the way we think.

Part of shifting our thoughts is understanding which of them are optional and which are not. If you jump off a building, you don't have the option to turn back. All the thought work you can do in a few seconds until you meet the ground will have no impact on the result. The law of gravity is simply a fact and will have its way, regardless of how we think in that moment.

Most of the time we have many choices in how we think about whatever has happened before action is required. It doesn't need to take a long time. If a person is divorced, that is simply a fact. It doesn't change anything to try and wish it away. But we have choices in how to interpret our experiences. We can justifiably wallow in self-pity and think that something has gone very wrong. Conversely, we can accept that the divorce was meant to be part of our life path. We can't change the fact of the divorce once it has already happened. But we can change our interpretation of what it means for us.

These principles apply even if you have been metaphorically thrown off the building by a former spouse who chose the divorce. You don't get to change the fact he or she made that choice, but you can choose the way you think about it. Instead of seeing it as a tragic wrong done to you by another person beyond your control, you can adopt the belief that it was for your highest good and that it will ultimately lead to a bright future.

Separating facts from stories is helpful so we can consider different stories that serve our mental and emotional health better. Denying irrefutable facts isn’t helpful, yet adopting a reasonable and positive interpretation of any fact is healthier than adopting a negative and fatalistic one.

If you are struggling in your life, the perspective of a good life coach can make a tremendous difference. If you see the wisdom in that, we invite you to consider LILY coaching services. Simply email us at to request a FREE discovery call with Jeff or Cathy. They will provide many great options and personalized recommendations.

Even if you are not ready to date and still in that raw pain following divorce, we can help you to reframe your thoughts and heal faster so, when you do want to begin dating, you are more ready. Together, let's make this a new year free of old traumas and problems!

Our featured video is Coaching: What Are We Afraid Of? and our podcast is Facts vs. Stories - Separating Them Out. This week’s short is Why You Need a Coach in 2023. Access with links below.


LILY Pod Episode 101: Facts vs. Stories - Separating Them Out (46min)

LILY Tube: Coaching - What Are We Afraid Of? (8min)

LILY Tube Short: Why You Need a Coach in 2023 (1min)

Discover what LILY Coaching can do for you. Email to set up a FREE consultation with Jeff or Cathy. We have private and group coaching options available. We look forward to working with you personally!

Get a copy of "Intentional Courtship" on Amazon to heal from relationship loss and create more real love in your life HERE: Intentional Courtship

If you enjoy this letter, forward to a friend. Our goal is to support as many mid-singles and later-married couples as possible!

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