LILY Letter 83: Giving Your Heart a Chance

November 8, 2022
In July 2015, the Arbinger Institute published, "The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict. The fundamental premise of the book is that our hearts are either at war with each other or at peace, and that peace in our hearts creates peace in the home, the community, and the world. A heart at peace is nurtured when an individual sees others as human beings instead of objectifying them. I objectify others when I see them as either: (1) a means to get what I want or (2) an obstacle in the way of what I want. When I see people as God sees them, I understand that they have hopes, dreams, joys, and disappointments every bit as real and powerful as my own.

After reading The Anatomy of Peace, I opened up the Book of Mormon with new insight and power. The word "heart" appears in almost every chapter -- and when people go to war in their hearts, they eventually go to war in life. We are no different. We who have been hurt tend to shut people out, live small in our personal cocoons, and not take the risk of loving wholeheartedly. We seek satisfaction in "safe" but imitation substitutes that really can never satisfy.

When fear causes us to close our hearts to protect ourselves from pain, we must also remember that we are protecting ourselves from joy and love. Many mid-singles aspire to find real and lasting love, but are too afraid to let others see them as they really are. True openness includes recognizing that my beloved is a real person, with needs and desire just as important as my own -- and she is more important than my agenda for her. Seeing others as God sees them is the key to deepening connection. And vulnerability is the beginning of seeing and being seen.

What have you got to lose? If you are a single adult, be of good courage. Ask that beautiful girl to dinner. Tell that nice guy you want to get to know him better. Open yourself up to connecting with a whole new world. Moving beyond fear opens our hearts and increases opportunities for more joy. This week's podcast is a wonderful interview with a newly married LILY Couple who demonstrate what this letter is all about: "Love Beyond Fear with Kelly & Boyd Curtis" (listen & watch options below). Our video for this week addresses the question: "Is Anxiety Stealing Your Joy?"

Our Shorts for this week are "Intentional Courtship for Divorce Recovery" and “What Are Your Dating Intentions?” We felt a lot of fear facing divorce and dating again in our 30s/40s on our own without any supportive resources available for us specifically. That's why we wrote the Amazon best-seller (as high as 13 in LDS Books!): Intentional Courtship -- A Mid-Singles Guide to Peace, Progress, and Pairing Up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints." This is the book we wish we would have had. Finding true and last peace, even after the most devastating relationships losses, and opening your heart to cultivating REAL love for and in your later years, is easier now than ever before! Get your own copy with this LINK: Intentional Courtship.


LILY Pod Episode 95: Love Beyond Fear with Kelly & Boyd Curtis (82min) LISTEN OPTION

LILY Tube Interview: Love Beyond Fear with Kelly & Boyd Curtis (82min) WATCH OPTION

LILY Tube Video: Is Anxiety Stealing Your Joy? (10min)

LILY Tube Short: Intentional Courtship for Divorce Recovery (1min)

LILY Tube Short: What Are Your Dating Intentions? (1min)

Discover what LILY Coaching can do for you. Email us at to set an appointment with Jeff or Cathy. We have private and group coaching options. We look forward to working with you personally!

If you enjoy this letter, forward to a friend. Our goal is to support as many mid-singles and later-married couples as possible!

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