LILY Letter 80: Death & Divorce Rituals

October 18, 2022

We have experienced a fair amount of both death and divorce in our lives. "The Death of Marriage" (this week's podcast) can be every bit as painful and devastating as losing a loved one to death. Yet divorces don't have funerals. Why is that? Such rituals can be very helpful to those mourning a deep loss. If we could somehow develop a social habit, like a funeral, to support those experiencing the loss of a marital dream that is no longer possible with that person they planned to be with forever, we would all be better for it. We think that divorces should have funerals too.

Until the desire of ours to have funerals for divorces become a social norm, those experiencing divorce can create rituals for themselves that help support the healing process. At a funeral, we talk about the departed person and share our experiences in the interest of giving mutual support. During a divorce, we also need the opportunity to talk about our experiences, along with our feelings of loss, and receive support from those who love us. We can do this informally with close friends and family or we can even create our own "divorce funeral" that we invite our closest friends and family to. It can become a new social norm as we choose to honor and recognize the painful loss of marriage, just as we honor and recognize other major painful losses in life. In doing so, we can both celebrate the things about that marriage we will miss and rejoice in the limitless future, full of compensatory blessings, that awaits. Ultimately, as with every other major loss, life goes on and we choose how to move on with it.

"Restoring Hope During Hard Times" (this week's video) is a great compliment to our podcast "The Death of a Marriage." Hard times can require a great deal of personal grief processing, whether we are grieving the loss of a loved one through death or through divorce. Such rituals can include journaling, writing & burning, daily exercise, self care and other stress relieving practices. A good counselor or coach can also be an invaluable resource as we recover from loss and rebuild our lives. Please don't hesitate to contact us to inquire about private or group coaching if you'd like some personal support from us. Our short for this week is "Blessings That Follow Loss."


LILY Pod Episode 92: The Death of Marriage (42min)

LILY Tube: Restoring Hope During Hard Times (16min)

LILY Tube Short: Blessings That Follow Loss (1min)

Discover what LILY Coaching can do for you. Email us at to set an appointment with Jeff or Cathy. We have private and group coaching options.

Get a copy of "Intentional Courtship" on Amazon and create more love in your life in 2022 by visiting: Intentional Courtship.

If you enjoy this letter, forward to a friend. Our goal is to support as many mid-singles and later-married couples as possible!

Love in Later Years © 2021
Privacy Policy