LILY Letter 78: Singles and Sexual Energy

October 4, 2022

One of the hardest things about being a single faithful Latter-day Saint is the expectation of celibacy. This indefinite break from sexual activity for those who have been married previously can be a rough transition. Sometimes we might wonder if this is even smart. If I want a good intimate partnership, how do I find someone I'm compatible with if I can't explore intimacy fully?

Our friend, Dr. John Brailsford, has come up with 11 ways to attract & create GREAT SEX without test driving in dating before marriage! These are based on many years of schooling, clinical experience as a therapist, and his own mid-single journey after divorce. The acronym is BASIC & EASIER and here is a very brief outline:

Balance—secure attachment with bonding & differentiation (vs. anxious/avoidant)

Action—does activity and energy output match?

Spontaneity—creative, care-free, adjustable, able to rebound, resilient

Intuition—sense the right way to go, in tune with the spirit, connected with own intuition

Compassion—merciful, forgiving, kind, assertive, empathetic, benefit of the doubt, caring with healthy boundaries


Enthusiasm—passion, confidence, engaged in good works, into me (“in-to-me-see”), interest in health

Affectionate—comfortable with touch, in tune with feelings, tender, gentle, safe, expressive, loving, connective

Selfless—willing to sacrifice, listens, patient, humble, teachable, serves others, knows how to shift priorities

Intelligence—meaningful conversations, willing to discuss intimacy, curiosity, emotional maturity

Encouragement—positive about themselves, believes in me, patient with process of figuring each other out

Resiliency—ability to bounce back to life after adversity, how fast do you bounce back and recover when feeling low?

These 11 factors are fun to explore while dating and none of them require getting super physical and yet, can you see how these would contribute to a great sex life? Our featured podcast dives into these 11 factors in episode 90: "Sexual Compatibility without Test Driving" and our video explores the question "Sex Before Marriage, Yes or No?" Our short of the week is "Intentional Mindset."


LILY Pod Episode 90: Sexual Compatibility without Test Driving (51min)

LILY Tube: Sex Before Marriage, Yes of No? (4min)

LILY Tube Short: Intentional Mindset (1min)

Discover what LILY Coaching can do for you. Reach out to set an appointment with Jeff or Cathy at Ask about our private & group coaching options!

Get a copy of "Intentional Courtship" on Amazon and create more love in your life in 2022 by visiting: Intentional Courtship.

If you enjoy this letter, forward to a friend. Our goal is to support as many mid-singles and later-married couples as possible!

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