There are plenty of relationships that begin with the premise of hating former companions, that hate becomes their new bond. Some continue in that pattern with a steady diet of negative comments about those same formers. How does that serve the couple? Is that the kind of relationship you want?
Through our own experience, we have come to believe that true love and peaceful connection in a future companionship requires healing, forgiveness, and acceptance of who we have loved and what we have lost. Anger and sadness are both stages in the grieving process and they both tend to keep us preoccupied with our past relationships until we're able to let those emotions go. While these are normal stages to experience with loss, anger and sadness are also easy to get stuck in, which will prevent us from being able to create a new healthy relationship going forward. We cannot realistically be prepared for a new relationship when we are still embroiled in the battles of an old one.
If you are feeling stuck in anger or sadness about a former partner, the following suggestions may help.
1. First and foremost, make the decision to intentionally shift your thinking to radically accept what is, whether you like it or not.
2. Be willing to develop compassionate thoughts about your former partner and about yourself and whatever role you played in the problems of that relationship.
3. Focus on building a heart at peace by going places and doing things that cultivate peace in you (temple service, yoga, nature, etc.). Remember that you are not your feelings and your feelings are not you. You have the power to choose how you think and what you focus on, which will ultimately influence how you feel.
4. Decide to love your future companion enough to let go of your old one. Believe the best is yet to come and that there are compensatory blessings in store for you.
5. Develop dreams for your future, be willing to imagine the positive qualities you want to develop in yourself and attract in your future companion. If you're having a hard time imagining anything other than what you don't want, write down what you don't want in one column and reframe it to the positive in another column. Rip up the old narrative and replace it with the new and this will provide you with positive momentum.
Whether your loss was through divorce, widowhood, dating relationships, or any combination of those, we hope these suggestions are helpful, even if they need to be modified to fit your specific situation.
When we fully let go of past relationships and are no longer grieving them, we are able to fully engage in conversation with new acquaintances and become masterful in the art of dating conversation. Watch our featured video on "Mastering First Date Questions" and listen to our podcast interview with Hypnotherapist Ruthie Renae as she talks about her personal journey of letting go to love again and offers some practical self-hypnosis tools for increased personal growth and manifesting desirable outcomes. For a dose of spiritual uplift, we are also sharing a special video from our “Meridian Single Adult Fireside” on 6/26/22. ENJOY!
FEATURED THIS WEEK
LILY Pod Episode 77: Letting Go to Love Again with Hypnotherapist Ruthie Renae (87min) LISTEN OPTION
LILY Tube Video: Letting Go to Love Again with Hypnotherapist Ruthie Renae (87min) WATCH OPTION
LILY Tube Special: Meridian Single Adult Fireside (73min)
LILY Tube Video: Mastering First Date Questions (11min)
LILY Tube Short: Are You Ready to Date? (1min)
To get a copy of "Intentional Courtship" on Amazon and create more love in your life in 2022, visit Intentional Courtship.
If you enjoy this letter, forward to a friend. Our goal is to support as many mid-singles and later-married couples as possible!