LILY Letter 60: The Right Kind of Confidence

May 31, 2022

Many women told me during my mid-single years that confidence in a man was sexy. I believe there is a survival function in female attraction to a confident man. A bold and confident man is a good protector and is more likely to discourage potential attackers and predators.

The problem with this wisdom is that, for many women, the strength that helped them feel safe is eventually turned against them and they begin to feel threatened or intimidated by the man they trusted as a protector.

So how do we tell the difference between the right type of confidence and the wrong type? I think the key is in the difference between true confidence and false confidence (bravado). Does his confidence go too far? Is he constantly bragging about how great he is while taking a little interest in getting to know you at a deeper level? Can he govern his emotions or do his emotions govern him? Watch for that, and you will find it illuminating.

A man who is truly confident does not need to shout it from the rooftops. He does not need to brag and name drop. His achievements are revealed in the ordinary course of conversation. He is not afraid to tell you when he feels weak or vulnerable or to confess his mistakes and failings. He is willing to self-reflect and see where he can improve. That is the kind of confidence that will help you feel safe and protected.

For both men and women, the concept of “Sober Confidence” (one of our older podcasts featured this week) can help us be aware of the sobering fact that we are flawed humans, while at the same time having confidence in and partnering with a God who has the power to make more of us than we could be on our own. We also feature another older podcast “Confidently Asking for a First Date” for those who are interested in building confidence in the dating realm.

Our newest podcast is about the importance of “Being a Chooser” and why it matters so much in life and relationships and our newest video “Confidence is Sexy” is about how to develop a healthy sense of attractive confidence. Our featured short gives quick thoughts about “How to Breakup” (choosing to end or transition a dating relationship with confidence and kindness).


LILY Pod Episode 72: Being a Chooser (31min)

LILY Pod Episode 53: Confidently Asking for a First Date (31min)

LILY Pod Episode 39: Sober Confidence (29min)

LILY Tube Video: Confidence is Sexy (8min)

LILY Tube Short: How to Breakup (1min)

To get a copy of our Amazon best-seller "Intentional Courtship" and create more love in your life in 2022, visit Intentional Courtship.

If you enjoy this letter, forward to a friend. Our goal is to support as many mid-singles and later-married couples as possible!

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