LILY Letter 56: Moving On or Moving Forward

May 3, 2022

There comes a crossroads moment in every dating relationship where the relationship needs to become exclusive and move toward marriage or transition to friendship and discontinue dating each other. These are the most difficult decisions we face in dating. Each person will have his or her own set of considerations that are most important in deciding whether to move forward or move on.

We encourage you to get in touch with the things that are most important to you, and be intentional about seeking and attracting the kind of partner you want. However, there are a few considerations that apply to almost everyone. For example, is your partner working to be unconditionally loving? Is your partner committed to personal development for his or her self and not simply to win you over? If you are a covenant member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, you are anointed to become a king or queen. So ask yourself if you can picture your partner as a king or queen, ruling benevolently beside you. If you do, and the answer is yes to the other questions, you would be wise to seriously consider moving forward.

If you decide you need to end a relationship, please do it kindly and in consideration of your partner's feelings of pain and disappointment. There is likely nothing you can do to take away the pain, but there are things you could do to make it more painful than it needs to be. For example, you need not make a long recitation of your reasons, which would probably be viewed as criticism. Have a final date, get dinner or make dinner, and tell your partner the things you appreciated about the time you spent together, and let him or her know that you find it necessary to move on. Be prepared for your partner to question your decision and try to talk you out of it. Be patient and give your partner all the time he or she needs (within reason) to have closure.

If you decide to try to move forward, both people need to choose that. It is nerve-wracking to come right out and say it, but come right out and tell your partner what you want. Don't waste conversations dropping hints and playing games. If you want to explore a relationship, seize the moment and see what happens. If you are rejected, well, at least now you know. But what if your partner feels the same? You could be at the genesis of an eternal journey!

FEATURED THIS WEEK

LILY Pod Episode 68: Three Steps to Deepen Relationships (70min) Listen Option

LILY Tube Interview: Three Steps to Deepen Relationships (70min) Watch Option

LILY Tube Video: Breaking Up is Hard to Do (10min)

LILY Tube Short: The Path of Divorce (1min)

This week’s podcast is featured on both LILY Pod and LILY Tube (listen/watch options) where the Teicherts & Goodmans share three specific and meaningful ways to deepen connection in our most important relationships. In our weekly video, we share the best and worst ways to break up with someone. Our featured short is about the path of divorce.

To get a copy of "Intentional Courtship" on Amazon and create more love in your life in 2022, visit Intentional Courtship.

If you enjoy this letter, forward to a friend. Our goal is to support as many mid-singles and later-married couples as possible!