LILY Letter 50: Beyond Codependance

March 22, 2022

What’s on the other side of codependence? A life more beautiful than you could possibly imagine if you are stuck in this addictive pattern. It is far superior to want a partner than it is to need a partner.

Codependence is excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, often one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction. In simpler terms, it is a need to be needed. It is about reliance on another person for personal validation.  Codependent behaviors enable dysfunction in partners and overload relationships with excessive focus, demands, and expectations. While co-dependence masquerades as love, it is fundamentally selfish. Even if we are trying to help or serve others, we expect appreciation for our efforts and demand reciprocity. We often insist on the other person accepting our help or advice, even if they don’t want it.

Often in dating, codependence may manifest when a person invested in a relationship so fears rejection that he or she instinctively goes to great lengths to be (or seem) what the other person wants. Dr. Greg Baer teaches that the worst possible outcome in such a relationship is to succeed because then you must keep being something you are not forever after—a truly impossible and exhausting feat.

An important key to overcoming issues with co-dependence is to find our value in our inherent worth as children of God, rather than pressuring and manipulating others to give it to us. It is also important to cultivate a wide circle of friends if we are aware of a tendency to overload our primary relationships.

If you need help overcoming codependent patterns in your relationships, we can help! Reply to this email to set up a first coaching session to get some support in your journey to real love and individual wholeness.


LILY Pod Episode 62: Wanting is Superior to Needing (40 min)

LILY Tube Video: Overcoming Codependent Relationships (12 min)

LILY Tube Short: Complete Yourself and Want Your Partner (1 min)

This week we feature a podcast about wanting a companion being superior to needing them and a video about overcoming codependent relationships, along with a short about completing yourself in order to truly want your partner. Dive deep with us into this very important topic!

If you enjoy this letter, forward to a friend. Our goal is to support as many mid-singles and later-married couples as possible!

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