LILY Letter 42: Is Misery Easier Than Change?

January 25, 2022
The suicide rate for people divorcing is more than three times the national average. On the Holmes-Rahe stress index, divorce ranks second only to the death of a spouse as life's most stressful event. It even outranks being sentenced to a prison term or being given a terminal diagnosis.

If you find yourself in this severe depression, the first thing to do is acknowledge how you are feeling and accept that it is your current state of mind. We do better when we can think of our thoughts and feelings kind of like weather. A dark cloud may pass over, but it always passes. Accepting that you are depressed right now does not mean you are agreeing to be depressed forever.

If you are in the throes of this kind of misery, we promise that a beautiful life is still possible for you. You can never sink low enough that God cannot hear your prayers. If, with His help, you do the work of healing, you will get to a place where you have some good days. Eventually those good days will outnumber the bad days. Ultimately, most of your days will be good.

Amidst this kind of misery, self compassion and the compassion of others is very important. If you are deeply depressed or even have suicidal thoughts, it is important to reach out and let those closest to you know. If you find that your support structure during your marriage has disappeared, seek to re-establish connections with friends and family who you can trust.

We will leave you with Jeff's Proverb 12: "It is deceptively easy to let one day run into the next and learn to live comfortably in misery because misery is easier than change." As people who have been through divorce and experienced the deep depression and anxiety that often follows, we know that change is worth every effort because being joyful is far superior than feeling miserable indefinitely. Accept wherever you are right now and take one step at a time to heal and move forward toward brighter days. Please let us know how we can support you in your healing and recovery. (See special coaching offer below.)


LILY Pod Episode 54: Mental Health Stewardship with Ganel-Lyn Condie

LILY Tube Video Interview: Mental Health IS Health with Ganel-Lyn Condie

KSL Interview on Studio 5: Love In Later Years—From Pain to Empowerment

Enjoy our special featured podcast with Ganel-Lyn Condie, (listen on “LILY Pod” or watch on “LILY Tube”). Watch our KSL interview with Brooke Walker on four ways to move from pain to empowerment with the link above (originally aired on Tuesday, January 25th at approximately 11:45am on Studio 5).

There is one more week to take advantage of our $11 New Year’s Coaching Special through the end of January, to get a taste of what coaching can do for you (appointments may go into February but payment needs to be received by Jan 31st). To sign up for your $11 first full session with LILY Coaching (a $100 value), simply reply to this email or call us at the numbers provided on our coaching page: LILY Coaching. We look forward to serving you one-on-one!

If you enjoy this letter, forward to a friend. Our goal is to support as many mid-singles and later-married couples as possible!

To get a copy of "Intentional Courtship" on Amazon and create more love in your life in 2022, visit Intentional Courtship

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