LILY Letter 41: What If You Get Turned Down?

January 18, 2022

Rejection is probably the biggest fear mid-singles have in dating. In many cases, we may think it means something about our worth or desirability. Thus, it's easy to take rejection personally and either lash out in response or turn inward and stuff unexpressed pain.

Is this perspective really factual? For one thing, what other people think of me really has nothing to do with my inherent worth. At most, it demonstrates their own subjective opinion and more likely, it is just their own judgment about what is best for them. I have very high regard for most of my former dating partners. I still consider many of them friends. However, there are several whom I chose not to keep dating. They are worthwhile people with amazing qualities but weren't necessarily the right person for me. I think many mid-singles make judgments about the right "fit" for them without making judgments about the other person's worthiness or character.

Of course, it is easy to say you should not take rejection personally but harder to do in the moment you are experiencing it. Rejection can still feel painful in your gut when your mind knows it's nothing personal. It can seem personal and feel personal. So, what is to be done about it?

First, do no harm. If you are feeling rejected and emotionally flooded because of it, find a polite way to get space and deal with your feelings. Don't just impose them on the person who refused your offer.

Second, self-talk is very important. Take a minute to become free of distractions and ask yourself whether the thoughts you are having really reflect a personal rejection, or if it is just another person making a choice different than you might have hoped.

Third, remind yourself that your inherent worth is not determined by any mere mortal's opinion or choice. Rather, it is determined by what God thinks of you--and that can only be known through your relationship with your Creator. It is often in forgetting our divine worth that we behave beneath our privileges and doubt our desirability. By remembering the love God has for us, we can rediscover our divine worth and move forward with confidence even in moments of disappointment.


LILY Pod Episode 53: Confidently Asking for a First Date

LILY Tube Video: Single Parent Dilemma: Date or Wait?

Our weekly featured podcast and video go perfectly with this theme. Enjoy both to get inspiration and support. If you enjoy this letter, forward to a friend. Our goal is to support as many mid-singles and later-married couples as possible!

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