LILY Letter 40: Joy and the Refiner's Fire

January 11, 2022

Elder Quentin L. Cook said: "There are many kinds of challenges. Some give us necessary experiences. Adverse results in this mortal life are not evidence of lack of faith or of an imperfection in our Father in Heaven’s overall plan. The refiner’s fire is real, and qualities of character and righteousness that are forged in the furnace of affliction perfect and purify us and prepare us to meet God.”

Are you going through the fire? Are you experiencing the deep ache that comes from rejection by a loved one or the deep disappointment that comes when life does not turn out as you planned? Do you feel stuck and frustrated, unable to move forward in relationships? Do you find yourself at New Years, year after year, saying to yourself that this year is going to be different but it never is? Do you find yourself jaded and cynical about the opposite sex? Do you find yourself in a mediocre career, or even a failing one, and think that it might be better if your personal life hadn't been such a downer?

If some of these questions describe the way you are thinking, we understand. We've been there too. We've learned that a big part of recovering from pain and loss is finding the higher meaning in it. As Elder Cook said, your challenges do not necessarily result from a lack of faith, but are designed to improve your character and, ultimately, increase your joy. Thus, it is vital that we learn the things we need to learn from our trials and experiences so that we can move on from them to a more joyful and fulfilling life.

Staying stuck in pain and bitterness about how you were wronged is a hollow victory and adds no worthwhile meaning to the struggle you have been through. It is important to find a higher meaning that pertains only to yourself (not improving anyone else).

Our book, "Intentional Courtship" bears the subtitle, "A Mid-Singles Guide to Peace, Progress, and Pairing Up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints." The book is about personal development and relationship development for mid-singles. It is the first book of its kind. It is the book we wish we would have had when we were grieving losses and preparing for the future with a deficit of emotional energy. It can help you to get out of the rut you may be in. You can find it on Amazon at:

We are also certified life coaches through the Foundation for Family Life of Utah. We can help you with thought work, goal setting, and accountability. We can help you with self-care. We've heard John Gottman say that everyone understands the value of replacing the roof on your home if it is leaky. It will cost you a few thousand dollars but save you tens or even hundreds of thousands in the long run. He says that a leaky marriage can cost you a lot more than that. But people are reluctant to pay for marriage counseling until it is almost too late and a lot of damage has already been done. You can say the same thing about coaching for mid-singles. Many are reluctant to pay for it. But, how much do you lose if your career and personal life are stagnating? How expensive is it to go on year after year getting nowhere?
We want to help you get started toward a happier and more fulfilling life. For this reason, we are currently offering an introductory session for only $11 (a $100 value). That will give you a taste of what we might be able to do together.
Contact us by January 15th to take advantage of this special pricing and to schedule your appointment. Let us know which coach you prefer to meet with (Jeff or Cathy). Simply reply to this email or call us at the numbers provided on our coaching page: LILY Coaching. We look forward to working with you and hope this New Year brings you increased joy and fulfillment.

LILY Pod Episode 52: Joy and the Refiner’s Fire

LILY Tube Video: How to Avoid Failing at Resolutions

If you enjoy this letter, forward to a friend. Our goal is to support as many mid-singles and later-married couples as possible!

To get a copy of "Intentional Courtship" on Amazon and create more love in your life in 2022, visit Intentional Courtship

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