LILY Letter 91: Happy New Year!

January 3, 2022

Welcome to 2023! What are your plans? People often create New Year's resolutions this time of year, perhaps adopting a word to guide them in the coming year and striving to turn over a new leaf in some area of their life. It tends to be a fresh start, full of endless possibilities and desired changes.

When we make these resolutions or goals, we often focus on the external things we want to achieve and behaviors we want to change to get there, while neglecting the inner thought work needed to enable real and lasting change. If we are going to change something permanently, the change must be more than a New Year's Day decision. Lasting change results from radical shifts in the way we think.

Part of shifting our thoughts is understanding which of them are optional and which are not. If you jump off a tall building, you don't have the option of turning back. All the thought work you can do in a few seconds until you meet the ground will have no impact on the result. The law of gravity is simply a fact and will have its way, regardless of how we think in that moment.

Most of the time we have many choices of how to think about something before action is required after something has happened. It doesn't need to take a long time. If a person is divorced, that is simply a fact. It doesn't change anything to try to wish it away. But we have many choices in how to interpret our experiences. We can justifiably wallow in self-pity and think that something has gone very wrong. Conversely, we can accept that the divorce was our path. We can't change the fact of the divorce once it has already happened. But we can change our interpretation of what it means for us.

These principles apply even if you have been metaphorically thrown off the building by a former spouse who chose the divorce. You don't get to change the fact that you were thrown off, but you can change the way you think about it. You get to decide that it was your path instead of a tragic wrong that was done to you by another person beyond your control.

Separating facts from stories is helpful so we can consider different stories that serve our mental and emotional health better. Adopting a reasonable and positive interpretation of any fact is healthier than adopting a negative and fatalistic one. Denying irrefutable facts is simply insanity.

If you are struggling in your life, the perspective of a good life coach can make a tremendous difference. If you see the wisdom in that, we hope you will consider LILY coaching services. We can begin with a FREE discovery call to discuss what you would like to work on.

Even if you are not ready to date and still in that raw pain following divorce, we can help you to reframe your thoughts and heal faster so, when you do want to begin dating, you are more ready. Let's make this a new year free of old traumas and problems!

Our featured video is Coaching: What Are We Afraid Of? and our podcast is Facts vs. Stories - Separating Them Out. This week’s short is Group Coaching.


LILY Pod Episode 101: Facts vs. Stories - Separating Them Out (46min)

LILY Tube: Coaching - What Are We Afraid Of? (8min)

LILY Tube Short: Group Coaching (1min)

Discover what LILY Coaching can do for you. Simply email us at to set up a FREE consultation with Jeff or Cathy. We have private and group coaching options available. We look forward to working with you personally!

Get a copy of "Intentional Courtship" on Amazon to heal from relationship loss and create more real love in your life in 2023. Here's the Amazon link: Intentional Courtship

If you enjoy this letter, forward to a friend. Our goal is to support as many mid-singles and later-married couples as possible!

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