July 20, 2021

Verse 2 of Frank Sinatra's famous song, "Something Stupid," goes like this:

"I practice every day to find some clever lines to say to make the meaning come true
But then I think I'll wait until the evening gets late, and I'm alone with you
The time is right, your perfume fills my head, the stars get red, and, oh, the night's so blue

And then I go and spoil it all by saying somethin' stupid like, 'I love you.'"

As I understand it, this song is a little bit satirical. It's about a guy who gets swept up in the moment and tells his girl how he feels about her, and it scares her off. In common dating terminology, "too much too soon." If you want to play the "dating game" right, conventional wisdom is that you hold back your feelings and play your cards close to the vest. After all, saying "I love you" is a stupid move right?

It's a stupid move if you don't mean it. It's a stupid move if you're looking for a one-night stand instead of a real relationship. Unfortunately, we (and by we, I mean all humanity) have a culture of dating where people wear masks to hide the truth about themselves to avoid being vulnerable. Often, we wear masks because we are cynical. We don't think someone could say "I love you" and mean forever. Verse 1 in the song says:

"I can see it in your eyes,
That you despise the same old lies you heard the night before
And though it's just a line to you,
For me it's true,

And never seemed so right before."

So, the author is saying that he could say " I love you" and sincerely mean it, but he's afraid to say it for fear that the girl will just take it as a lie and a corny pick up line. He's afraid she will think he has ulterior motives. Kind of sad huh?

Let me be so bold as to advise you that saying "I love you" is not "something stupid" if that is how you really feel. Let me be so bold as to suggest that you be vulnerable. If saying I love you really spoils everything, it is the wrong relationship anyway.

I am personally aware of a person who had never told a man she loved him. But when she was diagnosed with a serious illness, she said, "Screw it. For once I'm going to say how I feel." She told her boyfriend he loved him for the first time.

Do you have a hard time being vulnerable?
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